She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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