Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i came on her dog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
