No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
