Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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