you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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