Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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