I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
