So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
