I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
