If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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