so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
