Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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