lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
