i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
