dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
