My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
