I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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