Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
