Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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