i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
