dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
