I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nutella sex= disaster
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
