You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
