I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
