i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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