I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
