just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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