pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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