he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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