ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
