Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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