Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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