"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
