do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
