So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
