I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
vagina is talking i cant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
