listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
