a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
