I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
