went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
