I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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