when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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