I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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