So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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