My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
