I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
