don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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