Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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