I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
