So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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