sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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