So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
