I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
