You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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