Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
bring money and cleavage
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
