Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
