i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
