just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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