i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
